Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I just couldn't make anyone happy today.

So I'm driving along, minding my own business, and this guy in front of me tosses a cigarette butt out of his window right in front of me.

That's a big pet peeve of mine--it's filthy, disrespectful, and a fire hazard all in one. On go the lights. He went away with a hundred dollar consolation prize, and for some reason he was angry at me, even though he's the one who chose to toss his trash on my road right in front of me.

Then there was the woman who wasn't paying attention while driving. She spun her car out and took out a big road sign and shut down a major roadway at rush hour. I handed her a ticket for failure to maintain control, and she got mad too, but not quite as mad as the other woman who tried to zip around the long line of cars backed up prior to the wreck by driving at least half a mile on the shoulder, only to have me pluck her right out of the traffic flow after she saw me standing on the shoulder ahead of her and forced her way back into the traffic lane. She got two tickets--one for driving on the shoulder and another for cutting off a truck to dive back in as part of her unsuccessful effort to avoid the first ticket.

"Well how is anyone supposed to get to work?" she screamed.

Well lucky for you, I'm already at work. Sign here, please.

Then there was the people in the office building next to a municipal parking lot. The lot is specifically for visitors, not commuters, and that's why the lot has three-hour meters on every spot. I got a call from the lot manager about the lot being full of commuters so I went in and of course almost all of the meters were expired because the commuter cars had been there longer than three hours so I sighed and started writing. As soon as someone in the office looked out and saw me, word spread, and suddenly the lot was full of people frantically feeding meters, all from that building.

Pity that they didn't seem to know that it's also a violation to repeatedly feed a meter. That three hours? That's a hard limit on how long your car can physically occupy that space, and you can't extend it just by recharging the meter. I just kept writing, and the cars of the people that I saw feeding the meters got tickets for that right along with the ones whose meters were still expired.

Now there's a whole building full of unhappy people. Sorry folks--maybe tomorrow you'll park in your company's own lot and pay whatever they charge and stay out of the city's lot. Then I'll be happy because I won't have to write so many freaking parking tickets.

And then, of course, there was the old man in the Mercedes who got rear-ended at a stop sign by a high school-aged girl. It was just a tap and there was no damage to either car but he was going slightly berserk about it when I drove by and saw them parked alongside the road. I stopped and talked to them and looked at the cars. Not a scuff on either one that I could see. Of course he was sure that his Mercedes now had "hidden damage" and he suddenly wanted a police report even though he already had her insurance company's info. He kept pointing to obviously ancient minor scratches on his bumper and telling me that they were new. He wouldn't accept that there honestly wasn't a mark on the car that wasn't there before and I told him that there was no way that I was taking an accident report. I didn't want to have to hammer the girl with a ticket as she was already in tears, and I just didn't feel like wasting another half an hour getting all of the info, filling out the form, and sketching the scene when there was no injury or damage. So I sent him on his way--unhappy, of course--and then got the girl to run along. Now even I was finally cross.

But then I found a car parked in a handicapped spot in front of a store where I regularly go for coffee. It had no handicapped tag or placard (pet peeve #2) and it was running and unattended (pet peeve #3). That was two more tickets--handicapped parking violation and running unattended at $250.00 each, both of which I eventually handed to the fit and able-bodied young lady about 25 years old who came out of the store with a coffee in one hand and her cell phone in the other just as I was starting to write the second one. Naturally she was unhappy, but I have to confess that it did cheer me up a bit.


Jackie said...

Glad that she got stuck with that... $500 worth of fines! Nothing boils my blood more than someone who parks in a handicaped spot that doesn't need it!!


Anthony said...

This post was beautiful. A work of art. All it needed was pictures.

*Goddess* said...

"Well lucky for you, I'm already at work."

LOL! Great line.

Jeff said...

You cruel, cruel man you.

I gotta admit, I love the blog. I've been reading for roughly 2 months now (I went back and read each entry because this is one of the best written blogs on my RSS) and I love it. I always love to hear officers tell stories.

Anyhow, I can't add anything relevent, but keep up the good work, when I see a new post from your site it excites me a little bit!

Ann T. said...

Dear Officer Krupke,
You made me Very happy about the handicapped spot. That stuff drives me crazy. And, since I am not handicapped, it is a principle-based thing rather than an expedience thing.

Thank you sir, I am pleased,
Ann T.

MONICA-LnP said...

those were great!people throwing trash out their windows really gets me!

The Grumpy Dispatcher said...

Just remember, you get to do what so many of us wish we had the power to do, every day. If only we could strike them down when they pull these pet peeves in front of us. God bless you! ;)

Anonymous said...

Wow, that sounds like a successful day at work for me! If I manage to piss off EVERYONE I come in contact with because I'm RIGHT, then I deserve a pat on the back.

So, you go, dude. You deserve a beer and a back rub because you kick ass!

Cleanville Tziabatz said...

Gentle suggestion: Have your town get a meter maid. They are less expensive to train and equip than policeman and they draw down less in salary and benies, too. Definitely a plus in these cash strapped times.

Josh said...

The handicapped thing really irritates me. I have a degenerative bone disease, and it is quite painful to move. I do not have a handicapped placard. I can still walk a good distance, it just hurts, no biggie. Those spaces should be reserved for people who can not ambulate a significant distance. This may be a bit controversial, I do not that that fat should qualify as a handicap.

Jay said...

Ah you’ve had a busy day. Very pleased to read that you booked someone illegally parked in a handicapped spot. That’s my pet peeve. My Mum was crippled with arthritis and it was very frustrating to see someone park there who shouldn’t. Often their reasoning was “I was only there 5 minutes” but in that 5 minutes I had to drive past and find somewhere else making it harder for my Mum. So well done and keep up the good work not everyone is unhappy with you.

Mad Jack said...

...woman who tried to zip around the long line of cars... She got two tickets--one for driving on the shoulder and another for cutting off a truck...

You hit three home runs, including an infield homer for the two tickets referred to above. You got all three of my pet peeves, including sending a mean old man on his way as a kind of bonus.

I especially liked the handicapped tickets. I know people who would cheerfully give three years off the back of their lives in order to walk the entire length of the parking lot in the middle of August just once more.

I was feeling really depressed today, and your stories cheered me right up. Keep up the good work! Please!

Karen said...

I love it!
I can't issue tickets to those able-bodied people who park in handicapped spots, either. So I've decided to console myself with the fact that they're morally handicapped. Kind of helps me walk past it!
Karen in Australia

HonkingAntelope said...

Considering the bottom-of-the-barrel quality that Mercedes is notorious for, good luck to that old man trying to prove the damage was caused by an accident rather than being included as a standard option at the factory!

Christine said...

LOVE IT. If stupidity can't be painful, it should at least be costly.

Officer "Smith" said...

Ahhhh yes. Handicappers. My favorite parking tickets to write. My record was a three-fer. I got one car in each disabled stall, and one in the van access area between, all in one shot.